Divorce Hotline

2009-11-05T10:34:00.002-05:00

Separation vs. Divorce

To married people the terms separation and divorce are used interchangeably. It seems that the public at large is unfamiliar with the difference between the two. Frankly there is a rather big difference in that with a legal separation the parties remain legally married. In a divorce they do not. Additionally a separation agreement is only enforceable in the same way any other contract would be enforceable. One needs to sue the other party for a breach as opposed to having a judgement (of divorce) already in place. The burden is on the party bringing the action to show that in fact the contract was breached and then the party may proceed to the enforcement part of the matter. In a divorce there is no need to prove whether or not the breach was intentional or if it was an oversight. If you don't get want you are entitled to from what is listed in the judgement you can jump right to the enforcement part and garnish salaries or collect your money the way you would in any other civil matter where you already have a judgment against the other party.

Separation agreements also do not automatically turn into divorces. People can stay legally separated for ever if neither party files for divorce. Even after the filing, there is no guarantee the matter will not be contested by the other party. If the filing of the divorce is contested after a separation agreement is executed (which by the way it often is)this can lead to a very ugly litigated battle where the separation agreement will be put in jeopardy of being changed or altered in order to settle the matter amicably.

Separation agreements do not provide the closure the parties in all liklihood are seeking in disolving their marital ties. These agreements should be entered into with full knowledge as to each parties responsibilities and risks in the future.

2009-10-28T15:29:00.002-04:00

Practicing Law Among Old Friends

A group of matrimonial attorneys found themselves in the courtroom recently discussing the longevity of their time in the trenches and relaying tales of experiences with attorneys not quite so familiar with the world of matrimonial law. One attorney said , that she remembered when I was a newbie. That I informed her much to her chagrin was 23 years ago. We talked of the difficulty of settling cases with those entering our world who are merely dabblers and were ill equipped to settle a case much less try it.

The dabblers are dragging these cases out to make money they aren't earning said one lawyer. It is really disgusting how these attorneys take cases from us and then blow them up. They will usually charge a lower retainer to begin the case but due to their inexperience they will cause a case to linger far beyond where it should. The economy was blamed for these attorneys entering our world. Everyone thinks they can practice matrimonial law, until they get a case. The over abundance of practicing attorneys also is a danger to the trusting consumer.

Sadly we must all be wary of the variables in our world and handle them accordingly. Caveat emptor has never been more important than it is in these economic times.

2009-10-22T06:55:00.003-04:00

Marital Longevity and the Quest to be Happy

I just realized that both of my grandmothers were born on the 22nd day of the month. October was my paternal grandmother while July was the birth month of my maternal grandmother. The other significant co-incidence is that both sets of grandparents had been married over 50 years, as coincidentally were my parents.

Doing what I do it seems almost inconceivable that I have been surrounded by marriages of such longevity. I myself cannot be put into a category with these extraordinary people in that I am on my second marriage and the 50 year mark would put me into well passed my own life expectancy.

It would be a young child's fantasy to believe that each of these marriages were perfect in every way. I witnessed as a young child certain instances which would mar my vision of a perfect marriage. None of the instances I witnessed however,or even some of the stories I heard could ever touch the real life stories I have been privy to in my matrimonial practice.

Is longevity something that is passe' in modern marriage? I ask myself that question frequently. I don't believe that modern families are any more dysfunctional than they were 50 years ago. I do believe however, that modern families are less tolerant than generations before us and feel that they deserve to be happy. Are we in fact a more narcissistic society if we choose to live our lives happy as opposed to suffering within a loveless marriage? I think it has more to do with societal acceptance of divorce as opposed to our own selfish quest for happiness. We are not judged the way our grandparents would have been if they divorced. More and more couples divorce and it is less of an issue even in polite society.

As their granddaughter I would never presume to judge the marital relationship of any of my grandparents. They as well as my parents set for me a loving caring cocoon that to this day I can still retreat to whenever I need to experience the love that they showered upon me. Their examples represent the gold standard for me in terms of marriage. As I remember my grandma on this day of her birth I advise you all of the gift she gave me of her strength. A brave 19 year old girl who left her family and her home to follow her husband to a new world called America. Not knowing a sole or the language, she managed to raise 3 children and taught herself English without the help of bilingual signs or English as a second language course. On this day I honor strength of character and the quest for happiness be it within the marriage relationship or outside. Happy Birthday Grandma.

2009-10-16T12:27:00.003-04:00

Family Court vs. Supreme Court
Which is the proper venue?

To all of you unfamiliar with the judicial system the question of what forum to bring an action can be quite confusing. While Supreme and Family Court have concurrent (the same) jurisdiction over many matters there are some cases which can only be brought into one or the other.

Supreme Court contrary to its name is the lowest court in the State system. In NY the next highest court is the Appellate Division which hears appeals from the Supreme Court and the the highest Court in the State is the Court of Appeals. Under the state court system lies the county courts consisting of Family Courts and District Courts.

One cannot obtain a divorce in our Family Court system here in NY. A divorce action must be commenced in Supreme Court. From there it could proceed on appeal to the Appellate Division and rarely but not unheard of can go to the Court of Appeals for specific disputes.

Once a case arrives int he Supreme Court system it cannot have any matters heard at the same time in Family Court. Once the Supreme Court matter is resolved however, many of the issues resolved in Supreme Court may be enforced in Family court as well as in Supreme Court.

Family Court which is sometimes referred to as "the people's court" does not require that petitioners be represented by an attorney. In fact none of the courts can require representation by counsel however, the process of the system makes it very difficult for a pro se litigant to represent themselves in any court other than in family court. Most times the issues found in family court revolve around support, and custody disputes between unmarried couples or couples who are no longer married.

While having an attorney represent you in any matter where there are legal issues is always desired, family court is really the only court that lends itself to the assistance of the pro se litigant. Procedures are usually more relaxed in family court and many times cases are not heard by judges but by hearing examiners who possess the same powers of enforcement as a judge with the exception of doling out jail time in the event of a contempt proceeding.

While most attorneys do practice is family court, it is usually their preference to have cases heard in Supreme Court. Procedure and protocol are usually more attorney friendly in the Supreme Court and sometimes it is more expeditious to bring emergency relief in the Supreme Court as opposed to Family Court which usually has a six week wait period from the filing of the petition to the hearing date.

Although it is not mandatory, one unfamiliar with the legal system should be very wary of entering any of the hallowed halls of justice without proper representation. One misstep could cost you thousands in the long run; much more than the price of competent counsel. In certain circumstances failure to have counsel can not only ruin a litigant financially but it can devastate a family and negatively impact parental relationships with children. Think carefully before deciding to go it alone.

2009-10-07T11:34:00.004-04:00

Beware of the Mediation Process

Anyone who reads this blog knows I am a big proponent of Mediation, and I have written on the subject many times. The law at present does not require Mediation to be done only by licensed attorneys. Anyone can hang a shingle and declare themselves a mediator. Therapists, social workers, retirees, anyone and everyone who sees this as a potential source of new income is declaring themselves a mediator.

Clients who have entered my office and thought my fee was high for this service, have returned to me with agreements written in appalling condition. These agreements would guarantee the parties a lifetime of family court proceedings to flush out the many ambiguities and missing provisions of these so called agreements.

Such is the arrogance of these mediators to advise these clients that I a licensed attorney who has been practicing matrimonial law for some 23 years doesn't understand the process and is merely attempting to make this more complicated than it should be!!

The process is complicated but in a practice such as mine it is streamlined in such as way as to avoid unnecessary contact with the court after the agreement is executed. My agreements are about 60 pages in length and cover all contingencies. Here is a hint: if your agreement has only about 20 pages in it, you are missing an awful lot! If it has less than 20 pages be prepared to become a staple at the local family courthouse, because unless you and your former spouse are excellent at communication and compromise you will soon find that such intervention will be necessary due to the failings of your cheaply obtained agreement.

Most people do not believe in the phrase that "you get what you pay for." In many instances it is untrue, but when it comes to a dissolution of your marriage and the future of your financial stability, not to mention the welfare of your children,
you should heed the warning.

Would you put your trust into the hands of a particular surgeon because his price was the cheapest or do you want the very best in the field? The same should apply when dealing with all major decisions in your life. Divorce is a major decision. Be informed and chose your avenues wisely. There are bad apples in every field and charlatans eager to bleed you as well. Get referrals from sources you trust, investigate the attorney you use and use someone who has a license on the line. Your future depends on your choices.

2009-09-21T13:46:00.005-04:00

Oh The Misery

Going through a divorce is miserable. It is the break up a relationship. It is the dissolution of a marriage and that is never a happy event. I as your attorney know and acknowledge the pain you are feeling. I understand your mental frailty and it is up to me to keep a level head when you cannot. It is up to me to help you make decisions and give you sound advice when all of your friends tell you about their acquaintances who have done so much better than I am telling you that you will do in court. It is up to me not to sugar coat your situation and at the risk of being called cold and unfeeling it is my job to protect your interests. It is true that I work for you, but I am an independent contractor in the sense that I decide how to proceed with your case. Most of you are co-operative and are pleased to know I am on your side and have your best interests at heart. You are respectful to my staff and grateful that our knowledgeable office is doing everything in its power to help get you through this tough time. Most of you also know you are not our only client and understand that there are delays which cannot always be avoided and that the judicial process itself is slow going.

Some of you though, are the perpetual victim, and to those of you I address this post. Being nasty to my staff is counterproductive to your case. Refusing to pay your bill and insisting that I understand your financial situation and stating that you cannot pay for services already rendered will not endear you to me, or make me worker harder on your case. I need to pay my staff and my bills, this is not a not-for profit organization, it is a law firm. If you want pro bono assistance put your name on a list and wait your turn. Do not think you can avoid responsibility for your own actions or behaviors by saying that I "did nothing" for you. If you are unhappy with your result chances are you did something contrary to my advice or that you failed to understand that sometimes the judicial system does not render a "just" decision but a decision meant to make everyone unhappy for entering their hollowed halls seeking a result they should have achieved on their own without court intervention.

Divorce is not easy, but biting at the hand that reaches out to help you is not only ill advised, it is just plain stupid. If you want to blame someone look in the mirror chances are you are the problem not your lawyer.

2009-09-10T07:30:00.003-04:00

Back to School, Back to Work, Back to Business

I don't remember where I first heard the Summer time referred to as the "Silly Season." I think it may have been a quote from a Fitzgerald novel since I have retained many phrases in my vocabulary from that genre. Summer has always meant that to me things were not to be taken too seriously, it was a time to relax and recharge our batteries after a grueling winter and lay back and enjoy family time. Many years ago when I first started practicing law the courts literally closed for most of August in that most judges took off for the summer and after the 4th of July nothing much went on until labor day. I have pretty much retained that mind set refusing to wear stockings after June 15th and keeping my sandals (my special court sandals) on until the chill of September required closed toe shoes.

Though I am resisting the more restricted footwear, I have delved back into practice this week as I trotted the kids off to school I followed the yellow brick road back to the courthouse and am set for the fall business of divorce.

Many times I have been asked when my was my busy season and the two cycles which are pretty much constant are the middle of September and the middle of January. As the kids head back to school their parents realize that Fall should bring a new lifestyle and that may not involve the other parent any longer. Now before the vigor of the holidays starts to kick in it is time to clean house and sweep out our lives.

As your lawyer, and your confidant I stand at the ready saying goodbye to the Silly Season and hello to responsibility. See you in Court.

2009-08-29T09:29:00.002-04:00

No Vacation for My Lawyer
I know I have ranted before about client's not wanting to pay for their legal services which have already been rendered. I continually ask them if their own employers argued with them before they got their paychecks each week, however the concept continues to allude those in divorce who feel their divorce attorney is an entitlement and doesn't need to be paid by them once an action has started and an initial retainer has run out. This week a new wrinkle was added to this rant of "why do I have to pay you when I don't have the money." It is the statement that how dare I take a vacation when my client can't even remember the last time she had one and how nice it is to be me!

Can anyone ever recall telling their surgeon that he has no business taking a vacation when his patient needs an operation or do we all just schedule our surgeries around his schedule? I know that two of my children were delivered early to accommodate my doctor's schedule and I was alright with that.

For the first time in my career I was asked to justify my vacation to a client who didn't want to pay me for the balance of the work I had done for her. Beside the fact that she got an excellent deal, which she will not realize for at least a few years down the road, her legal bill was not astronomical compared to what her husband paid his attorney and her matter is all but finished. Still she ranted about my horrible staff(I hope someday she needs another lawyer and hires someone else so she can experience a horrible staff)my mean partner who had the audacity to ask her to pay her bill from monies we were holding on her behalf and blasted me for not calling her myself while chastising me for taking a vacation!

Well hear this all new and potential clients; I expect to get paid for my services in a timely manner. If you can't pay me, find another lawyer. If you are unhappy with my representation, find another lawyer. If you are unhappy with my staff, find another lawyer. If you feel your attorney should not take vacations if you cannot afford to take one, find another lawyer.

2009-08-18T11:08:00.002-04:00

Hitting Too Close To Home

During a recent telephone conversation with an adversary of mine, she mentioned that my client should read my book. I found the comment odd but didn't ask how she knew about my book let alone some of the things mentioned within its pages. I didn't have to wait too long to find out the answer to this question. In my office last week during a deposition of the parties in this case, her client whips out a copy of book and brandishes it in the nose of my client(her soon to be ex husband) and tells him to read my book. She babbles on about how right I am about motherhood and screams at my client that he is alienating her from her children(adult children)and then looks at me and says she understand me much better now.

Needless to say it was a shocking experience especially in light of the fact that she informed me of her need to pass by the workplace of her daughter just to catch a glimpse of her to insure that she was ok. Anyone reading this lately will know how hard this hit me in that my own son, estranged himself from me and the rest of our family and I too would pass by the place where I knew he was staying in the hopes of catching site of him to insure that he was safe.

Of course there are huge differences in our stories and her children are college educated,sensitive intelligent young women that claim to have valid reasons for their estrangement from their Mom and I have an 18 year old know it all who thinks all my rules are a plot to ruin his life.

My paralegal knowing about the week I had commented on the irony of the incident and asked if I was alright. It all did hit close to home and I felt her motherly hurt and pain. I advised my client it was in his best interest and the interest of his children to encourage some kind of relationship with their mother. I firmly believe that no child should alienate themselves from either parent. A phone call or a card is all that may be required especially since I am not in a position to ascertain the genesis of these deep rooted feelings these young ladies claim to have.

The whole ordeal left me rather drained and I continued to pray for strength and the safety of my boy. Then when I least expected it, he called. He wants to come home, for all the right reasons, or so he says. I am not foolish enough to believe all will be well with our lives from here on out, but he is coming home, and that is a start.

2009-08-05T15:47:00.001-04:00

Speaking from Experience Hurts

Bigger kids,bigger problems....we have all used that line and when I get into court and discuss teenage children I unfortunately speak from experience. This year was an awful year for me in many ways. Besides losing some people very dear to me it was the year my son who just turned 18 decided that he was infinitely smarter than I and that my rules were place there to destroy his life.

Handling matters in family court where I saw teens such as my son get reprimanded by judges and spoken to by law guardians. These children had many problems at home many of which stemmed from broken families or dysfunctional environments. Many of these purported juvenile delinquents also came from good solid homes.

This year for the first time I experienced the indignities associated with teacher calls inquiring as to why my child saw fit to cut class after class. Perhaps there are problems at home? I was asked. Thank goodness some of these teachers had known me from my older boy and knew that the problem was not with the family but with the child.

Well we got through high school graduation and we thought the worst had passed. Unfortunately it did not. The rules weren't followed and the boy left after he was told he was no longer welcome. I found the evidence, I've read the facebook account which all teens use as an online diary. Regardless of how many times I have said it my advice was ignored. Once it is on cyberspace anyone can access it and one day maybe a prospective employer will.

Now I sit here waiting for a call that hasn't yet come, tough love they call it. But whom is it tougher on I wonder him or me? Will he call asking for forgiveness and promising to follow the rules? Will he make it out there on his own? Certainly if he could make it I would be happy but at this age the odds are not in his favor which is why I fear for him. Will he make wrong choices or fall into the wrong hands? I am one of the clients I counsel, praying for patience and keeping faith in the fact that my parenting was not lacking and that eventually he will be the young man I know he can be.

2009-07-26T10:35:00.005-04:00

Pass the Salt and By the Way I Quit

Speaking to other employers I am well aware that I am not the only one who has trouble finding good people to work in my office. The trouble begins when you hire someone you know is mediocre at best and hope that the person can grow into the job even though you know it may be beyond their reach. Such has been the case with the last few individuals I hired. The last person who claimed to have 16 years of law office experience albeit not in the matrimonial world started out quite promising. There was excitement in the office that maybe, even though she seemed a bit quirky on the interview that this individual could in fact do the job. This last employee thought it quite proper to give me her notice over lunch one day informing me that she had found a better job with benefits and could only give me a few days notice. Good riddance to this woman who could barely get through the day without making some ridiculous comment about the number of individuals getting divorced.....this comment made to a divorce attorney in a law office. Where did she think those getting divorced would call?

I always try to get someone in who seems like they will work well together with the rest of the staff. One would think in this job market we would get flooded with resumes from individuals looking for a job. Such has not been the case. Where are all these unemployed individuals we have all been reading about? Where are all these workers willing to learn any skill necessary in order to support their families?

The employees who do apply for the position come in with a very demanding attitude and an entitlement mentality asking for salaries that are outrageous without any experience to back up their requests.

Why should this surprise me when droves of individuals can be seen on lines at the unemployment office accepting checks without consequences or restrictions. Benefits are routinely extended without reason and are granted indiscriminately even to those who have left of their own volition or were fired for cause. One of our passed secretaries moved to Florida and was granted unemployment benefits because she said the economy in NY forced her to move out until we fought the claim proving she had sold assets here and should have been able to find gainful employment. Another employee was fired for cause, excessive absences and the unemployment office found that she too was entitled to benefits.

No wonder the unemployment rate is so high, everyone is given the benefit without having to work. Until something is done about this travesty we call unemployment benefits there will be no incentive for any of these people to re-enter the workforce. It is time to force these individuals to get on their feet even if that means taking a job which they feel is "beneath them." Where is the work ethic from years past when individuals such as my father took any job available from pumping gas to sweeping floors in a factory just to provide for his family.

Keep all this in mind when you call my office....competent help is very hard to find.

2009-07-16T04:54:00.003-04:00

How Much Justice Can One Afford

In negotiating three very different cases yesterday, as usual the stumbling block centered around the all mighty dollar. We were at one number and the adversary was at another number. In all three cases the numbers were close but could make a lifestyle difference of some significance to the party having to pay the higher amount. In one case the arguments involved arrears which were to be paid from house money held in escrow. The problem arising from the fact that there wasn't enough money in escrow to satisfy all of the bills plus the arrears and have either party walk out with any additional funds. The second case involved a maintenance award of a few hundred dollars a month which amounted to less than the cost of a trial if the issue needed to be pursued, and the third involved a couple who made no money between them and were arguing over who would get to keep which over mortgaged asset.

Luckily each case had adversaries who felt as I did that a trial on these issues would not resolve either of our client's woes and in fact increase their legal obligations to us to numbers which would assure we would never get paid for the work we would need to do.

In each case I explained to my client the cost of the additional litigation which would be needed to have a judge decide the issue and in each case it was noted that the cost of the litigation far exceeded the expected result. How much justice can one afford is usually the ending questioning here and even if you can afford it, is the price and the ongoing litigation worth it? To some the answer is clearly yes, and I know many attorneys who would not even give their clients a real choice but merely push for the fee and move toward trial. Frankly, I am tired of not getting paid for my efforts. One case in particular where I felt very sorry for my client and worked and worked on the case without pushing for a payment plan and never stopped work because of the bill ended up with a debt of over $12000.00. The client's son was in my child's class and the case so outraged me that I continued on it and to this day the mother has failed to make a dent in the bill at all. I am tired of hearing the line "you know my situation" Well guess what? They should also know my situation, I need to pay my bills as well and can't do that if I continually work for free. As I have said in my posts many times, the number of individuals who expect lawyers to take cases for free boggles my mind. Especially when financial times hard, I have heard from fellow practitioners that they are also experiencing the same entitlement mentality from new incoming clients. Sorry this is not a pro bono business, we are not a not for profit organization. If you can't afford to continue to a trial you had better consider a settlement and move on with life.

2009-07-01T14:05:00.003-04:00

The Case for Judges with Practical Legal Experience

If I've said it once, I've said it a million times, with few exceptions,Judges who have never practiced law are nightmares on the bench.
It makes perfect sense that if you have never practiced law you can't possibly understand what the attorneys advocating before you are dealing with legally or realistically with regard to their clients. It is not enough that the judge knows or even learns the law. He or she must be aware of the practicality involved in representing clients and the difficulty in dealing with a client and an adversary. Judges who have never practiced do not understand that a lawyer is really not earning a living while they cool their heels in a court room waiting for a judge to take the bench. Lawyers who are successful are usually busy at their office meeting with clients and a judge who earns a paycheck by merely showing up can not always appreciate the time constraints on a practitioner.

More importantly a judge who has never sat in a room with an adversary and his client in an attempt to negotiate a settlement is in no position to pass judgement on those who toil away in an attempt to avoid a trial. Once again I have been witness to a judge becoming very angry and agitated over the fact that the parties were attempting to negotiate a settlement instead of trying a case. The judge instead of being thrilled that the parties were attempting to settle the matter without judicial input became quite abusive and insistent that the matter conclude immediately. This of course leads to hasty decision making, sloppy paperwork and clients with lots of regrets.

The better approach of course would be to assist the attorneys by giving them some insight with regard to how the rulings would go if put to the bench and give them the time and leeway they need to facilitate a through settlement agreement that all parties sign on to with confidence. It isn't necessary that the parties be completely happy, no one ever is in these cases, but at least the agreement should be solid and enforceable.

A judge who has been in the trenches can appreciate the value of two attorneys working to settle a case. It doesn't take a master litigator to try a basic matrimonial case, but it does take a knowledgeable attorney to settle a matter without the need for theatrics and costly litigation.

2009-06-21T19:11:00.003-04:00

The World Will Never Again Be The Same

Who could have foreseen before this week that the world of Twitter and the Internet would be instrumental in helping to bring democracy to the country of Iran.
Never again will countries be allowed to block out the rest of the world while they seek to terrorize and bully their own people. In this age of Internet and twitter in real time the world watches as these purportedly religious zealots attempt to quiet dissidents and protesters by causing senseless bloodshed. Looking back over history, one wonders that perhaps the Holocaust and more recently the senseless violence in Tieneman square could have been prevented or at least halted more expeditiously if the world had been watching the events as they were unfolding.

It is extraordinary to bear witness to such historical happenings as if we were on the streets of Tehran protesting alongside these brave people who are fighting for the very freedoms we take for granted in this country every single day.

We Twitter our support to these individuals and stand here with encouragement and prayer that their actions and words reach out to free them from the tyranny of these dictators who rule without the will of the people.

We also thank God every day that we live in the greatest country in the world where it is our right to call on our President to do as we ask and not be afraid that we will be shot in the streets when disagree with his administrations course of action.
God bless democracy and all that it brings to the people and God Bless America.

2009-06-09T07:23:00.006-04:00

The Day Long Island Took Back the State Senate

The weather report said rain all day, but frankly I knew that would be incorrect, it never rains all day on my Birthday. The weekend was very nice and I knew all my children had gone out of their way to purchase individual gifts because they had been trying to give them to me for three days prior. We all love surprises in our home but most of us have a hard time keeping the secret.

Yesterday there were flowers and balloons, there were candles and wind chimes.Then there was the blockbuster surprise that Long Island had taken back control of the State senate.

This is very important to every long islander who pays taxes which we all know are greatly disproportionate with those paid in other areas of the state. Since the elections in November we have been advised of all the additional taxes we would need to pay because we live on long island like commuter taxes and we were also told to expect less back in services. Our schools buckled down and came out with lower budgets than ever before, tapping into reserves that none of us are supposed to acknowledge exist. Our towns spawned more fiscally conservatives candidates than ever before to meet the needs of the people regardless of which side of the aisle they hailed from. And then the great equalizer, Money was thrown into the mix and suddenly two Democrats in the State Senate saw the error of their ways and agreed to defect if only in voting to turn the tides of power and grab a handful of something for themselves in the bargain.

With all the drama of a Broadway play, the long standing majority who had become the minority over night took back the State and promised to make things better than they were and move legislation as it had never been moved. Wait we ask though, wasn't these the very people who had stalled the legislation in the first place? Sure they did but that was only because the tide did not flow equally over the shores of Long Island....now it will. Or so we are told.

It was a good birthday and perhaps a good day for Long Island as well. We shall have to see.

2009-06-04T12:22:00.002-04:00

Do You Have a Payment Plan?

When my husband needed heart surgery and all the doctors we were referred to as specialists in the field refused to accept our insurance, I didn't ask them if they took a payment plan. He needed the surgery and I was going to beg borrow or steal the money, which I did (I stopped short of stealing it)and he had the surgery.

Clients who enter my office think nothing of asking me to do my work immediately and not wanting to pay me until later. I accept all major forms of credit and tell them that they can pay out Visa, but I need to get the money upfront.

Now a new twist has reared its (her) ugly head, the client who fires me, and wants her file wants to pay her bill off in a payment plan she said I agreed to while I was employed. No I said, You want your file, you pay me for the work done.

How is it everyone else gets paid as they do the work, but attorneys are expected to wait indefinitely and sometimes, many times never get paid for their time and effort.
The clients who cry to me that "You know my circumstances!" expect me to forgo paying my own bills because they cannot pay theirs. Lipa is never interested when I tell them my clients owe me a lot of money. My mortgage company doesn't care that my receivables are lagging and American Express just cuts me off when I ask to for a pay off plan.

We attorneys are usually not independently wealthy and we certainly are not Not for Profit Organizations. We attorneys are working Moms and Dads just trying to pay our bills and do a good job for a good days pay.

2009-05-27T15:05:00.005-04:00

Mediation or Not

A former mediation consult came in to see me today to discuss the mediation agreement she had prepared with another attorney and asked me to review it on her behalf. Of course I asked the obvious as to why she didn't hire me to do the mediation. Her response was that her husband didn't think I would be impartial and would favor her. I guess being a woman and all threw him off!

I advised her that he was very foolish in that now I was free to advocate on her behalf now that I was being hired as an advocate. Interestingly enough the mediator he felt most comfortable with was a male attorney who has been practicing only about a handful of years as opposed to my over twenty year experience.

So we can break this down as saying her husband felt comfortable with a less knowledgeable male attorney as opposed to a more experienced female attorney because he thought I would favor his wife!

Mediation really isn't about taking sides, it is taking the facts and getting the parties to come to their own agreement. The suggestions I make are usually gender neutral and tend to help both sides. It is really in my best interest to make sure both sides are happy with my representation and recommend me to others in like situations.
In this case I bet the husband has been congratulating himself for the past few months on choosing the correct mediation forum. Yes, I do find this amusing instead of disturbing because now when he finds out I am advising his wife he will probably lose his mind.

2009-05-12T17:38:00.002-04:00

Another One Bites the Dust

Since the inception of our practice some 14 years ago we have had one ongoing issue involving staffing. I have spoken to other small businesses and we are certainly not alone in this endeavor, good staff is hard to find and harder to keep. Even when you think you have good staff it sometimes turns out that their life span in the workplace is limited for many reasons.
The practice of matrimonial law in particular does not lend itself to a stress free environment. The nature of the work involves unhappy people, hard due dates and crazy cases. I thought I had established a fool proof way of hiring by warning the potential hirees about the practice and also about my own flawed nature.
I admit to being a type A personality. I also admit to being a control freak and quick tempered among my many virtues. I do value family time however, and am very liberal with time off and flex time for my staff to attend to their children and families. I also believe that our office is a nice place to work. Just don't screw up. And if you do screw up, admit to it, fix it if you can and suck it up when you get yelled at.
Simple and rather quick, I will usually not be angry for long and all will be right with the world. The fact that I come from an Italian family where yelling was our normal volume, and even saying I love you was said in a scream, I am continually stunned by the temperamental flowers who pass through these doors denying accountability and tearfully telling my partner what a monster I am.
After 14 years he now just shakes his head as they apologize to HIM but explain that they really cannot work with the tyrant who runs the place.

Funny how 14 years ago when we first started the practice and were still feeling our way as to who would be in charge of what, it was he who made the staff cry at regular intervals with his sarcasm and flip remarks. I therefore took over the role as office manager and he handled the finances. I choose to remind him of that whenever someone leaves because of me.

Most times I do not take it personally, people don't ever leave for one reason, usually there are a whole list of things preceding an event such as this, but it really is once again easier to blame someone else than to accept it yourself. Also I usually have a feel it is coming before it actually occurs. Yes, I am demanding, of my staff as well as myself. That is what makes our firm the success that it is.
NOTICE:
If you can't handle pressure, or a boss that demands perfection and some occasional yelling please do not apply.

2009-05-01T07:25:00.003-04:00

CLE Crunch Time!

Every 2 years attorneys must register with the state and prove that they have taking the 24 credits required for continuing education. Every two years I forget about it until the 60 day mark when I receive my notice to register. Then I go into panic mode and need to get 24 credit hours on tape and cram before the deadline so I can register on time. Anyone who knows me would say that this is very unusual for me. The type A personality that I am would usually have done these requirements over the course of the two years(and in fact that is exactly what I used to do) and therefore not have to stress or cram when the notice arrived.

The older I get however, it seems the more disorganized I seem to get. The thought of sitting through seminars makes me cringe. Continuing education as a whole is totally unappealing to me. the patience and zeal I once had for the classroom has morphed into me now having the attention span of a flea. Although I could listen to lectures about the works of Michelangelo all day long, the thought of listening to other lawyers tell me the changes in the law brings on the shakes and the willies.

Thank goodness these courses are now available on Cd's so I can listen while in the office or the car or even torture my family during dinner with the droning on of the lecture series so I can get my credits. Listening intently for the code I need to prove I actually listened.

I really need to get more organized with this requirement....yeah...maybe next time.

2009-04-24T11:57:00.003-04:00

Smithtown has first female Conservative town chair (Spin Cycle) - Newsday.com

2009-04-15T14:38:00.014-04:00

Divorce Italian Style

I have just returned from a fabulous trip where I chaperoned my older boys to Italy. While we were there we naturally got to view a different way of life than what we are used to. I must say first off that Americans are by far the most friendly people. As much as I love the Italians, they were not as friendly as my fellow New Yorkers. Italians are also quite emotional toward one another and it is my understanding that they are forgiving of each other's emotional outbursts and are no where near as horrified as I was in witnessing these exchanges. Walking through the airport I encountered two Italians cursing one another out loudly for what seemed to be no reason at all. Wherein in the states, security would have been called to assist airline clerks begin screamed at and abused by passengers whose flight was delayed, in Italy the clerks just seemed to scream back.

As I usually do when entering a different jurisdiction I inquired as to where all the lawyers were and what the procedures were to get divorced in that jurisdiction.
Divorce in Italy much like divorce in NY is based on a fault system wherein one party must essentially take the blame. Further over the great objection of the Catholic Church divorce in Italy has only been legal since 1970. Divorce in Italy must first take the form of a legal separation either by decree or consent with a ridiculous waiting period of three years before either party can file for divorce. In fact, the waiting period between the request for legal separation and the request for divorce, originally five years and reduced to three in 1987, was introduced as a "period of reflection" for the couple in a thinly veiled concession to the church. As in NY the divorce is not granted automatically after the waiting period and it must be sought by one of the parties. Anyone who can afford to can go to another European country and set up residency there, in six or seven months they can file for divorce and have it recognized in Italy.
Interestingly divorce in Italy spikes as it does here in the states.in Italy, where in recent years divorce rates have been steadily sneaking up to those of other European countries, summer is bust-up season.

"It's not the heat, but because couples spend more time together," said one Italian lawyer. "They can scrutinize the reasons they don't get along and blow them out of proportion. So more people want to split up."
Divorce in Italy may be obtained on one of the following grounds: After the court has approved consensual separation; after judicial separation; when one spouse has been sentenced for certain criminal offenses; when one spouse is a foreign citizen and has obtained a divorce or has married again abroad; or when the marriage has not been consummated. If the divorce is based on separation, it may only be obtained after three years of continuous separation beginning on the date the spouses appeared before the court in the proceedings for legal separation. The judicial divorce takes longer, depending upon the how many and what kind of questions need to be resolved by the court. Italian divorces can run as high as their American counterparts. As far a custody, Italian law is quite similar to American law.
Unless there is some specific reason for limiting access, non custodial parents in Italy are generally guaranteed unlimited access to their children. An overseas flight can certainly be considered a limiting factor, so it can happen that custodial parents are not allowed to move their children out of the country if the move has been contested by their ex-spouse. This whole situation led to a epidemic of “kidnappings”, where one parent took their children overseas, stealing off into the night. To guard against this eventuality, the process of applying for a passport for either parents or children has become a bit of an odyssey, with official declarations and stamped documents attesting that all parties are in the know about everyone else’s passport situation, again very similar to the new passport rules in this country. So some advice for ex-pats living in Italy with children, you may want to re-establish US residency before filing for divorce here in the states, because if you file in Italy, the chances are great that you may not be able to live anywhere else with your children unless your ex approves:)

2009-04-02T11:23:00.002-04:00

Shall we Dance?

This is the question I feel like asking an old adversary of mine every time we start talking about a case. Settlement is always my first course of action and my adversary always place "hard to get" in getting him to talk settlement negotiations. I know why he hates to settle cases, it is because he cannot continue to bill on cases he settles. If he talks a case to trial, he can bill for the trial preparation and his time even if the case ultimately settles as the trial begins. I call him the client filter in my office because I know every offer I make goes through his "filter" before it gets to his client and by the time his client hears the offer it has little to no resemblance to the offer that was actually made. This attorney fires up his client by initially promising things he cannot possibly deliver and thus needs to blame his "failures" on a judge to divert the client from blaming him.

Every time a settlement conference is scheduled I can always double book my day knowing this adversary will cancel at the last minute. Settlement conferences allow me to pierce the attorney filter allowing his client to hear the offers directly from me. Most times my offers are fair and reasonable and intelligent individuals rarely turn down offers that save them money.

Instead of trying to settle with this attorney from now on when I see him, I will just ask him to dance, since I know I will be preparing to try the case anyway...wasting my breath doing a verbal dance is no where near as enjoyable as twirling around the court room floor laying my case out for the judge. So from now on we start the case by preparing for the dance......

2009-03-26T12:33:00.003-04:00

Short Sales, Mortgage Re-negotiation Call a Lawyer!!

Due to the fluctuations in our present real estate market many consumers are able to cut some pretty great deals with their present mortgage companies. The key is to getting a great deal is hiring someone to negotiate on your behalf. Many banks out there are good at giving the average consumer the run around when trying to save their home. Sometimes what is needed is a more authoritative voice and knowledgeable individual who can cut the best deal on your behalf.

The banks are offering all kinds of packages from forbearance agreements to rate changes to loan changes depending on your circumstances and the type of loan you presently have.

Now is the time for all consumers to begin evaluating their home loans and look into the possibility of getting a lower rate or longer term thus lowering your present payment. With the government stimulus packages going out to the banks, many banks will be more willing to re-negotiate with consumers as opposed to allowing the house to enter foreclosure proceedings.

A savvy consumer can during this tough economic time cut their payments and perhaps increase their disposable income.

Hire a professional to help you. Spending a little bit of money on someone who knows how to negotiate may save you a ton of money in the long run.

2009-03-20T07:21:00.003-04:00

Spring in 5,4,3, 2, 1
A Time for Mediation?

Welcome to Spring!! I have never awaited a season with more hope and anticipation as I await this Spring. Personally this winter wreaked its havoc on my family and professional I along with the rest of the economy felt what it was like to worry about business and finances. Although none of us is out of the woods just yet, along with the new season brings a new optimism. Our President was on late night TV telling us things are getting better, the Dow is responding better and the housing market after many years is beginning to bounce back again.

Each Spring I feel is a new beginning and it seems that my clients feel much the same way. Those who were resisting divorce because of the cost have decided that they need a new beginning..maybe mediation is the way to go? Mediation of course is much less costly than traditional divorce methods. It can avoid the courts all together and the best part is that the couples remain in control of their lives.

Mediation really is the best way for couples to dissolve their marriages and in an economy like this it is by far the most economical way.

Pros of Mediation:

1. Cheaper than traditional divorce
2. No need to go to court
3. No judge involved
4. No forensics or law guardians involved
5. faster than traditional divorce proceedings
6. Emotionally less draining on the parties
7. Much more civil and less draining on the children

Cons of Mediation:

1. Both parties must be willing to compromise
2. Usually forensic accountants are not used(but they could be if agreed to between the parties)**
3. Both parties must be motivated to come to the mediation sessions
4. Both parties must come to some agreement to move the matter forward
5. Both parties must be willing to sign an agreement
6. Neither party is compelled to proceed with mediation by threat of court intervention
7. Mediation can and will fail if one party chooses not to co-operate or withhold information

Mediation certainly is not for every couple but it can and should be for most couples to consider before heading out to hire individual attorneys. A new beginning needed in your life? Maybe Mediation is the answer.

* thus use of forensic accountants may be important in the event there is a business which may need to be evaluated or Pension plans where the value is needed in order to make a comparison of the assets in an effort to negotiate a distribution of who gets what.

2009-03-09T10:27:00.002-04:00

Cheaper to Keep Her(Him) FALSE!!!

The tough economy has hit every industry and the divorce business is not exception. A recent article in the local paper indicated because times are tough people are staying together even if it means living in separate parts of the house as opposed to starting a divorce action.

The justification they say is that they just can't afford a divorce. The truth of the matter, however, is that people who are living in these situations truly cannot afford NOT to divorce their spouses. Now those of you who have read my blog before know that I am always in favor of trying to save a marriage first. All attempts should be made at counselling or otherwise in order to make a marriage work. Only after all this has failed should a divorce attorney be consulted. That being said those who decide to suck it up and stay in misery, make not only themselves miserable but all those dependant upon them miserable as well.

Of course in these situations the innocent are always the most effected and generally they are the children of the marriage. The unbelievable damage they are doing to the children alone should prompt them to beg,borrow or steal money for a retainer in order to move on with their lives. The cost of years of therapy for children who are witnessing abuse, be it physical or mental as well as the horrendous example these couples are setting for their little ones about what marriage is all about cannot even be calculated monetarily.

The young girl who witnesses her mother being abused by her spouse will in all likelihood look for the same kind of man to marry. The young boy who witnesses the cold hard stares of his parents toward one another cannot ever be expected to become a warm loving spouse or parent.

Ask any police department and they will confirm that in rough economic times domestic violence calls increase dramatically.
What price can one put on happiness and normalcy in a marriage??
A friend of mine who was in an emotionally horrendous marriage refused for years to get a divorce because she felt the lives of her children would be adversely affected financially. Finally when she could no longer look the other way regarding her husband's deviant ways she instituted an action and found love and warmth in a new relationship after years of being emotionally abused.

The horrendous housing market may also be a friend to a couple contemplating a divorce. Where once the housing market forbade the use of using one spouse's 401K as a trade off on equity in the marital home, we have now come full circle in that may in fact be a viable option in this economy. It may also be possible for parties to "trade down" in their housing. The bigger expensive houses can be sold still getting enough equity for one or both parties to afford smaller more affordable homes that are starting to flood the market.

Finally the fact that 1 can live more cheaply than 2 is never more true than in tough economic times. One can live more cheaply than 2 or 3 or 4, that is just a fact.

So those of you out there waiting for the finances to improve before you decide to improve your life....remember there is NEVER a good time to get divorced. When things are this bad economically at least the hope of starting a new better life can give some light at the end of this tunnel. Think about it.

Divorce retainer... $8000.00
Counseling sessions for 1 child over a 10 year period....$46,800
Cost of doctor bills incurred due to domestic violence(over a 6 month period)...$2000
(if covered by insurance)
Property Damage due to domestic violence(annually)....$5000
A loving tranquil household........PRICELESS